| Do you allow a grace of transitions in your life, or do you simply blast from one thing to the next?— John Eldredge |
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Recovering Transitions
by John Eldredge, from Get Your Life Back
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Your soul is the vessel God fills, yet there is no room for Him to fill if your soul is wrung out, twisted, haggard, fried. Put another way, your hands cannot receive a gift while they are still tightly clenched. That is the condition we are trying to recover from and avoid further commerce with. Which brings us to how important transitions are as an expression of kindness.
When our boys were young, we established a family tradition of a summer vacation in the Tetons. Rivers, lakes, mountains, ice cream, wildlife — like summer camp, but everything suited to our own desires. Precious memories. Now our sons are raising families of their own, busy with their careers and church communities, and those trips are harder and harder to come by.
Last summer we were able to pull off a return, this time with an armada of strollers, car seats, and portable cribs. We had a wonderful time, and it passed far too quickly. Because of the demands on their lives, our children needed to fly straight home. But Stasi and I chose to drive, to set a gracious pace over our return. We further intentionally broke the drive up with a night in a small Wyoming town we love, at a charming little motel along the Wind River.
Sure, we could have gotten home in two hours, not two days, had we also flown. We could have made the road trip a direct push and made it home the same day. But we have learned that to yank our souls out of wilderness, beauty, family, joy, and happiness in order to hurl ourselves back into our world is simply violent. We are choosing to recognize the importance of transitions.
Do you allow a grace of transitions in your life, or do you simply blast from one thing to the next?
When the technological revolution of the twentieth century was taking place, led by the development of the microchip, the human race watched breathlessly as breakthrough upon breakthrough accelerated computer design and how quickly we could process information. (The first computer was the size of a small house; now you carry its capacity in your hand.) Which led to breakthroughs in communication, commerce, travel. (By “breakthroughs,” what we primarily meant was faster; we were able to do everything so much faster.) Technology was going to make our lives easier, make room for doing the things we love.
Exactly the opposite has taken place.
Technology took over our lives to be sure, but instead of creating more room for living, we have had to force ourselves to run to the dizzying pace of technology. (Notice how irritated you are when your computer takes ten seconds to boot up instead of two. Or when you can’t access your favorite app because at the moment you don’t have a cell signal.) Without thinking, we simply expect our souls to process information and communications as quickly as computers and mobile devices. “Electronic mail” replaced actual handwritten letters; texting replaced email. But texts have proven too cumbersome (can you believe it?), so we resort to the emoji. A tiny cartoon face to let our loved ones know we are surprised, or embarrassed, angry, happy, sad. Supremely efficient, and utterly stripped of humanity. This is progress? Honestly — you can’t stop long enough to write an actual reply?
(It appears even the emoji is too much effort now; my friends have all resorted to replying to a text with a “like” exclamation point, or the equally banal “ha ha” instant reply device. This isn’t even communication; we are grunting at one another like cavemen.)
I worked in Washington, DC, in the late ’80s. My daily commute was by train; I could read or look out the window. I couldn’t do email, check the latest news feed, update my status, text anyone. I arrived home disentangled from the intense life of the Hill and much better able to be present to my family and friends and non-work life.
Technology — and the resulting assault on our attention — has robbed us of ordinary transition spaces and opportunities. As soon as there is a down moment, everyone is back on their phones. Myself included.
I was at the department of motor vehicles the other day, updating a car registration. Realizing it would be some time before I was served, I instinctively reached for my phone. Then I stopped and chose to simply sit. Look around. Breathe a little. People watch. It was alarming to me how much discipline it took. We truly don’t know what to do with downtime any more.
DIVINE DISRUPTION
I wonder — how many situations that we would call “disappointments,” “hassles,” and “setbacks” might actually be the loving hand of God trying to slow us down for the sake of our souls, and so that we might receive Him?
I believe that God is often providing the opportunity for transition, but since we don’t have eyes to see it we may have been missing it.
Our souls need transition time. Especially in this world. We will find God in the transitions.
Notice that in the Gospels, it was during those transition times the disciples got to have Jesus to themselves; the intimacy was in those moments. God is in the mission too; of course He is. He meets us in crisis and action. But there is a sweetness to the downtime, even if it is brief. We can find more of God there.
GIVING IT A TRY: THE ONE MINUTE PAUSE
We practice kindness. We intentionally create space for transitions.
The One Minute Pause is a wonderful tool. I’m learning to use it in the midst of busy days, when I would normally just hit “launch” as I walk out the door in the morning, and blast all day like the space shuttle from meeting to phone call to writing something to conversation to lunch and back at it again. It is new for me — and so gracious to my soul — to pause after I hang up the phone and before I turn right back to email or make another call; pause after one meeting before I go into another; pause when I arrive at work after my morning commute; and pause when I pull into the driveway at the end of my day.
If you have five minutes waiting time, don’t look at your phone. Just... be. Look around; people watch.
When planning events like holidays or vacations, or coming demands such as a memorial service we must attend, create a little space for the transition needed before and after. Especially after.
Gerald G. May, The Awakened Heart (San Francisco: HarperOne, 1993), 3–4.
Excerpted with permission from Get Your Life Back by John Eldredge, copyright John Eldredge.
Watch this special message from John to FaithGateway readers...
Your Turn
Have you ever longed for a slower pace of life? The choice is actually ours! We can allow for transitions and be kind to ourselves enough to allow room for our souls to breathe. “Your soul is the vessel God fills, yet there is no room for Him to fill if your soul is wrung out, twisted, haggard, fried.” Does that sound familiar?Come share your thoughts with us on our blog. We want to hear from you!
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