| We are promised that the negative side of life, the things we don't understand, will be met with His presence..— Stacy Henagan, Breathe Again   What do I do when it seems God hasn't come through for me? How do I continue trusting Him when my dreams have fallen apart?
Have you ever asked these questions?
Surely, we all have. Because life is tough and unpredictable and rarely happens the way we plan. When my twenty-one-month old daughter, Haven, was diagnosed with malignant brain cancer, these were the question scrolling through my mind like ticker tape.
It was challenging to navigate the confusion of a loving God allowing me to experience pain. And not just any pain, but the kind that knocks the wind from your lungs and makes you wonder if you'll ever really breathe again. After a long and excruciating ten-month battle-filled journey, my baby girl took her final breath in my arms.
But it wasn't just her death that made me question. It was also the fact that for every single day of those ten months my husband, Casey and I quoted scripture, worshipped, believed and prayed continually for her healing. I'm talking Bible in hand, on our face, around the clock intense focus. That's roughly 429,120 minutes of spiritual warfare. Still, after all that, it didn't end the way I asked.
Maybe you can relate to my story in your own way.
It could be through the loss of a marriage, a dream that hasn't materialized, or when you receive a scary doctor's report. When we expected things to be different, and then they aren't, it leaves us with a decision to make, even if unconsciously.
Will we move forward with God or stay stuck in our pain, questions and disappointment?
What I've found from my own experience and in over twenty-five years of ministry is that we tend to plant ourselves in our unmet expectations, when we can't reconcile pain and a good God. It seems at times we can be more equipped to believe in faith for something than we are to deal with the disappointment we feel if it doesn't happen the way we want.
In this volatile place of unmet expectations, unknowingly we can become one with our pain and take its name as our identity. Loss, divorce, infertility. We feel more connected with these things than we do with the hope that lies in the good future God promises ahead. This weighty disappointment in turn paralyzes our feet from moving forward with Christ. It's like concrete around our ankles. If we have the desire to get out of our "stuckness", here's what we need to know: trusting God is the only way forward. I know this seems like an oversimplified answer to life that is messy and hurtful and complicated. But to follow Him, we have to trust Him even when we don't understand Him. If we turn our attention to the voice of the Holy Spirit, we will hear the tender words like a whisper in our ear,
"Trust Me, I know what I'm doing. This pain is not your end. There's good ahead. Keep following Me and I'll lead you there."
The voice we listen to in pain determines our destination. Will we incline our ear to the enemy's lies or to God's voice as He guides us toward His promises? Will we keep in step with His Spirit, moving forward as He walks alongside us? Or will we trail behind, allowing pain to be our guide and to cause us to settle for life in an emotional and spiritual climate that isn't conducive for growth? The outcome of our life's journey hinges on our choices. The Holy Spirit is near to help us make the right ones.
Often our struggle is not because we're weak or frail or God is unhappy with us, but because Satan understands what he's up against. He senses the call on our lives and the potential inside us. We are a threat to his kingdom, and he will do whatever necessary to get us to stray off course or stop moving altogether. He knows that a detour will affect our lives' trajectory and has a trickle-down effect on our families and those we lead. So, he crafts lies and adversity that will cut to our quick and like a blinking neon light, he points blame to God.
When it's hard to reconcile pain and a good God we must remember that the Christian life is a paradox, isn't it? A binary existence. Grief from one's pain and joy from Christ's redemption. The natural and supernatural. Mortal and immortal. Dance partners until the day we enter Heaven. This is the goodness of God. We are promised that the negative side of life, the things we don't understand, will be met with His presence. His joy colliding with weeping.
The morning colliding with night. Grace colliding with ache. Perfection isn't required in this paradox. I've watched firsthand as my humanity gone amiss collides with Divinity — and grace happens. That means we can bring Christ our anger, frustration, confusion and doubt and offer it to Him in honesty without fear of rejection. Our messy life has never weakened God's faithfulness. If we hold tight to His lead as we're navigating the dark, He'll help us to trust His steps.
Instead of burying your hope in unmet expectations, seasons of disappointment, and questions that go unanswered, bury hopelessness. Instead of burying your devotion, bury your doubt and disappointment. Shovel the dirt on top of that grave, dust off your hands, and walk away.
It's worth it.
Now on the other side of Haven's death I see that every hard-earned step with God it took to get here was worth it. If you only remember one thing I've said, remember this: Don't give up. The battle is fixed. You've already won. There's good up ahead! Written for Devotionals Daily by Stacy Henagan, author of Breathe Again. Watch a video from Stacy 
Your Turn
Have you gone through deep disappointment in God? Have you experienced a time when it's seemed like He hasn't come through for you? How did you reconcile that? Or have you yet? Let's take time today to look back at the hard-earned steps with God through suffering. Let's bury doubt and hopelessness. Come share your thoughts with us on our blog. We want to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily Share this devotion with someone who needs it today. BRAND NEW RELEASE
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Breathe Again: Choosing to Believe There's More When Life Has Left You Broken by Stacy Henagan  Softcover Regular: $18.99 (30% off) + free U.S. shipping* on orders $30 or more When the miracle-working God whom Pastor Stacy Henagan loved and served did not answer the prayers on behalf of her terminally ill one-year-old daughter as expected, she was left crushed with grief and struggling to understand.
Links to a FREE in-depth study guide and 5-part video teaching series are available on stacyhenaganbook.com.
What people are saying... "Stacy invites us into an inspirational journey of wrestling with God to discover the beauty that emerges from a broken heart. If you've experienced devastating loss with nothing left to give, this book is for you. May you draw
"Stacy's story is like a beautiful and fragrant rose blooming out of cement because she discovered living hope and tangible peace in emotional territory others have castigated as a barren wasteland. The fact that she's been able to
"When Stacy Henagan endured the loss of her precious baby daughter to a terminal disease, she faced the limits of her faith in God. Breathe Again is her honest and inspiring account of her journey through grief, anguish, and heartache, but it is also a field guide for anyone who struggles with suffering in this world. Tracing the footsteps of Abraham's father, Terah, who also lost a child, Stacy unexpectedly discovers a new path to God's comfort, healing, and strength.""
— Chris Hodges, Senior Pastor of Church of the Highlands, and author of The Daniel Dilemma and What's Next
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