...Starting With Forgiveness
While the battle to forgive is one that all people face, we are learning that the culture of a loving Christian family can make people more willing to forgive, more willing to extend mercy, and more willing to forget the offense. This is testimony to the power of family culture.
The research on this subject is fascinating, as seen in a 2019 Barna Group study of Christian adults. To 61 percent of married respondents, “not seeking punishment or retribution is a key element of forgiveness.” Only 51 percent of never-married respondents have the same view. Similarly, 72 percent of married individuals say that forgiveness is about simply repairing relationships. A lower percentage (62 percent) of never-married individuals agree.20 In other words, being married moves people toward a deeper willingness to forgive.
The differences between married people and unmarried people when it comes to perspectives about forgiveness are intriguing. For example, notice the distinction between single and married Christians when it comes to what forgiveness means: compared with 22 percent of married respondents, 30 percent of single respondents say forgiveness involves “restoring a relationship without forgetting the offense.” In addition, 33 percent of single Christians can think of a person they “don’t want to forgive,” but only 24 percent of married Christians say the same thing. And 28 percent of singles, versus 21 percent of married individuals, admit there is someone they “just can’t forgive.” 21
Married couples also more readily receive forgiveness. Only 19 percent of married people but 30 percent of single individuals said they had yet to accept forgiveness for a particular issue.22
Amazingly, a tendency toward charity and forgiveness increases when a married couple has children. The same Barna Group report captures this phenomenon well:
"When asked about a sense of charity toward various groups, practicing Christians in the child-rearing years are more likely than those who aren’t to express high levels of compassion for the poor (55% vs. 48%), for criminals (13% vs. 7%) or even for people who have wronged them (18% vs. 11%).
Given these compassionate attitudes, it makes sense that a pattern continues in looking at reports of giving and receiving unconditional forgiveness. Parents of children under 18 see a spike here (69% have received, 83% have offered), especially mothers (72% vs. 66% of fathers have received, 88% vs. 78% of fathers have offered).... Single fathers look more like those who don’t have children in their reported experiences of unconditional forgiveness (71% have offered, 54% have received)."23
There are a lot of statistics here, but look at the amazing conclusion. Family life almost automatically increases a tendency toward charity and forgiveness. It makes people more willing to heal relationships and forget wrongs done to them. It also makes them better able to receive forgiveness for the wrongs they have done. All this is testimony to what a family culture has the potential to produce.
Yet let’s not limit this just to the experience of the individual family. Let’s allow our imaginations to roam a bit, and let’s envision what might happen in a society in which healthy families are sending out generous, forgiving, kindhearted people who in turn shape that society by how they live. Imagine what this might mean. Imagine how the harsh, angry tone of American society today would change. And the tone of our politics. And the treatment of the hurting and downtrodden. And care for foreigners. Just think about what healthy families could do in our nation on just this one issue of forgiveness.
Focus on the Future will equip you to give and accept forgiveness in your family and your community against a culture that increasingly challenges the righteousness of biblical values and Christian faith.
*Excerpted with permission from Chapter Three of Focus on the Future
Notes: 20-23. “Married Couples & Parents See Fewer Barriers to Forgiving Others,” Barna Group, June 11, 2019, https:// www.barna.com/research/married-parents-forgiving- others/.
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