Day 21 CHANGE BEGINS WITH ME Don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. . . . If you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. James 1:22, 25
Improving a marriage is not easy, but I can tell you a surefire way to do it: Begin by changing your own attitude. Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle in your own heart. Say to God, “If you will give me a vision of what a godly spouse would look like, then I’m willing to make changes.” Then read the Bible and look for those passages that tell you what a Christian husband or wife should be.
Let this be your dream, and meditate on it throughout the day. Ask God to help you live up to his model. Every day do something that will make you a better spouse. For example, look for things you can give a genuine compliment about. Think about how you could serve your mate. Think about a gift that would enrich his or her life. Think about how you could spend more time together. But don’t just think about it—do it!
In the passage above, we see that James challenged his readers to do more than just hear God’s Word. If we hear and don’t change our behavior, we’re essentially fooling ourselves. It’s when we put God’s guidance into practice that transforming change can take place.
When your attitude and behavior change, you will have a positive influence on your spouse. This influence will be far more powerful than your former criticisms. Certainly your marriage can change, and the change begins with you.
Father, I often complain about my marriage, but I’m not willing to do anything about it. Please forgive me for my arrogance in assuming that my spouse is to blame. I want to commit to changing myself. Please show me how I can be a godly spouse. Transform my words and my thinking; conform me to your image. May I be a positive influence in my marriage.
Gary Chapman, The 30-Day Love Language Minute Devotional, vol. 1 (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2014).
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