1 choice every couple should make

A healthy and growing marriage was meant to be lived out in the context of community or deep and meaningful friendship. ~ Patrick Schwenk One Choice Every Couple Should Make in Their Suffering by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk from In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake What is one choice every couple should make in the midst of their storm?   It might sound like a simple question, but it is incredibly important. One of the most important choices we can make as a couple is to move toward community instead of away from it.   The challenge for most of us is that we are individuals. It's far easier for many of us to be private than vulnerable, busy than available, and isolated instead of interdependent. As a result, we miss out on the joy, blessing and of course, hard work of doing life together.   At the very beginning of the Bible, we learn that it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Ill-suited to do life by himself, God graciously gives Adam a wife. Together, the first married couple would have the capacity for intimate love, meaningful friendship, and the ability to show the world what God is like (Ephesians 5:21-27). They give us the first glimpse of how a husband and wife share a unique and intimate bond.   But it is not good for a couple to be alone either.   The rest of the Bible shows us how a healthy and growing marriage was meant to be lived out in the context of community or deep and meaningful friendship. One of the greatest dangers to our marriage is not just isolation from our spouse, but isolation from other people. We were meant to live in relationship with others who will not come between our marriage, but help fight for our marriage – especially in the midst of suffering.   When I (Patrick) was diagnosed with cancer in 2018, one of the things we discovered very quickly was that there are two kind of friends: those who move toward your pain and those who move away from it. There are many who might be there for us initially, but as the crises subsides, so does their care. And there are friends who might genuinely love us, but feel so uncomfortable or ill-prepared to help, that it's easier to stay distant.   So we have to resist feeling hurt in our hurt. We have to avoid moving away from people, instead of toward them.   We know that suffering can often times cause us to withdraw. In our pain, we might feel like it's too hard to be around people. And while this might be true at times, and in different stages of our hurt and healing, it's never where God wants us to stay. Staying disconnected can be dangerous.   The writer of Proverbs in the Old Testament says it this way:   Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. — Proverbs 18:1   And so one of the best steps we can take to get through our suffering is to invite the right people in. We want to avoid "isolating" ourselves.   We say the "right people" on purpose. There are certainly plenty of people that might want to surround you in your hurt. But it takes wisdom to know who to say "yes" to and who to say "no" to. We want people who genuinely care for us, encourage us, and strengthen us. We want a person who is grounded in God's Word and can be the presence of Christ to us in our suffering.   And so right now, in the middle of your hurt, a next step is beginning to surround yourself with the right people. Which might look like calling a friend or family member on a regular basis. Or inviting someone to meet with you regularly for coffee or lunch. Maybe it's asking a friend to come over and pray with you, read scripture over you, or simply just be with you. And many times, we need to reach out to a pastor, counselor, or therapist, to walk alongside of us.   We were not meant to be alone.   And right now, in the middle of your chaos you need community. You need to move toward others instead of away. It is one of the most important choices a couple can make in the midst of their suffering.   With you, Patrick and Ruth Schwenk   Written for Faith.Full by Patrick Schwenk, co-author with Ruth Schwenk of In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake.   * * *   Your Turn   Don't go it alone! Isolation is dangerous. If you're in a crisis (or even before a season of trauma), grab your community and accept their help, compassion, and prayers! Who are you relying on? Come share with us on our blog. We want to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily COMMENT Shares this devotion with someone who needs it today YOUR STORM DOESN'T HAVE TO SINK YOU   Save 30% off In a Boat in the Middle of a Lake: Trusting the God Who Meets Us in Our Storm by Patrick and Ruth Schwenk Softcover, Regular Price: $18.99 Sale: $13.29 (30% off) + free U.S. shipping on orders of $30 or more*   SHOP NOW At some point in our lives, we all find ourselves in a boat in the middle of a lake.   We might be there due to a job loss or the death of a loved one. Maybe disability, divorce, or financial insecurity has stranded us. Patrick and Ruth Schwenk found themselves feeling battered after five miscarriages and then surrounded by the waves with Patrick's cancer diagnosis at age forty-three. They were alone. Drifting. And that's when their transformation began.   As they unpack why Jesus called the disciples into the middle of a lake when dry ground was so safe and comfortable, they help us   understand why the depth of our hurt enables us to experience deep hope; learn to conquer fear to experience the freedom God has for us; and discover how God uses chaos, and not just the classroom, to shape and work through us.   Today — in your confusion about God's intentions, your disappointment over lost dreams, your disillusionment about prayer — God is offering hope. Because Jesus is still Lord over the water. And while He is not moved by the waves, He is moved by you. And this flood might just be a path to abundance.   PRAISE FOR THE BOOK:   "A powerful reminder that our current reality is not our final reality, and God is Lord over all chaos and suffering!" ~ Candace Cameron Bure, actress and New York Times bestselling author   "Through the pages of this book, Patrick and Ruth pastored parts of my heart that I didn't realize needed pastoring. We need voices like theirs in times of great uncertainty, and even in times of perceived security. Their words were a gift to me." ~ Sara Hagerty, author of Adore    "In a Boat in the Middle of the Lake is the lifeline you need. Full of personal stories and biblical encouragement, this powerful book will cause you to stop complaining, "Lord, get me out of here!" and instead calmly ask, "Father, why have You brought me here?" Highly recommended." ~ Karen Ehman, New York Times best-selling author of Keep It Shut, Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, wife and mother of three Learn more and save  Don't miss this deal from the Schwenks Save 55% off  Faith Forward Family Devotional: 100 Devotions Hardcover Regular: $16.99 Sale: $7.65 (55% off) + free U.S. shipping* on orders $30 or more SHOP NOW   Save 40% off ECPA Christian Devotional of the Year 2020   Settle My Soul: 100 Quiet Moments to Meet with Jesus by Ruth Schwenk and Karen Ehman Hardcover Regular: $18.99 Hardcover Sale Price: $11.39 (40% off) + free U.S. shipping* on orders $30 or more SHOP NOW Learn more and save Rake in the savings! Save up to 60% off     Devotionals Daily ~ our mission is to help you grow and share your faith.

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