| Jesus walked away from toxic people. ~ Gary Thomas   When to Walk Away: Follow Jesus' Example by Gary L. Thomas, from session one of When to Walk Away 
Welcome to Bible Study of the Week, where every Sunday we give you the free first sessions of video Bible studies from leading authors, pastors, and Bible teachers. In When to Walk Away, bestselling author Gary Thomas draws on Jesus' example to show us a hard truth — that sometimes the best course of action for us to take with some relationships is to walk away... or let the other person walk away.
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Jesus walked away from toxic people and let them walk away from Him. We can learn to follow His example.
INTRODUCTION
For the first fifteen years of their marriage they served the church in two dramatically different ways. Both David and Ginny had gifts for ministry, loved people, and felt honored to serve the same congregation. David was the pastor and Ginny led the music ministry and adult education. Their mission was the same, but they responded to toxic people in totally different ways.
When they started at their first church, a woman came at Ginny like a heat-seeking missile. She was clearly needy and explained to Ginny that she wanted an accountability partner, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to call (at any time, day or night) when she was in need. This woman was certain that the Lord wanted Ginny to be that person. So, Ginny made the commitment and jumped into a relationship that lasted fifteen long and painful years.
This woman demanded everything and gave nothing back. She would call at all hours and expect Ginny to drop everything, even the care of her children, to listen, pray, and help her manage whatever issue she was facing. When Ginny would try to establish barriers, the woman would declare that Ginny was not loving, not caring, and maybe not even a Christian. She would share this with anyone who would listen.
Over time, this woman began declaring to anyone who would listen that no one at the church cared about her or did anything to help her. She even wrote a letter to the church board saying that Ginny was an unkind person and should not be serving at the church until she learned how to "be more like Jesus." Finally, this angry woman left the church. She told people, "I am going to find a church where the members actually care and where the pastor's wife is not a hypocrite!"
During this same decade and a half, David also encountered a handful of toxic people in their church. He was kind to them but always seemed able to keep them at arm's length. They would make demands of him and he would smile and let them know that it was not his job to be their personal counselor, to meet all of their needs, to be their best friend, or to come to every event they felt he should attend. Some of them got angry and pushed back, but other members of the church would assure David, "That guy has always been like that and everyone knows it!" They would assure him that keeping a safe distance from "that guy" was a wise decision that most of the church members would understand.
Instead of being controlled by a few super-needy, angry, and highly demanding people, David invested that time in two or three leaders each year. He would identify those who were mature leaders that needed some coaching and encouragement and he would pour into them. David also had a gift for finding younger and upcoming leaders and helping them sharpen their gifts, grow in prayer, and learn to serve Jesus in the church and the marketplace.
When David and Ginny accepted a call to move to a new church, they took time to evaluate their ministry. David was thankful that he had the honor of preaching and leading the congregation, but he told Ginny that one of his greatest joys was seeing several leaders take serious steps forward in their love for God, service in the church, and their passion for living out faith in their home and in the workplace. Ginny told David that she celebrated the growth in the music ministry and the adult classes. But, sadly, she had not really invested in developing many leaders. She said, "Most of my time for the last fifteen years has been invested in one woman, and I wonder if I made any lasting impact on her life."
Christians have the tendency of thinking that walking away from anyone or letting anyone walk away from them is a failure on their part.
TALK ABOUT IT
What attitudes and behaviors release a person like David to be fruitful and impactful in ministry and life?
What attitudes and behaviors keep a person like Ginny from a full life and ministry? Your Turn
Come get the remaining session one study questions, watch the video, and share your thoughts on this study on our blog. We want to hear from you!
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Jesus walked away from toxic people, and you should too.
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When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People by Gary Thomas 
Softcover Study Guide
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In the When to Walk Away six-session video Bible study, bestselling author Gary Thomas draws on Jesus' example to show how the best course of action for us to take with some relationships is to walk away... or let the other person walk away. In the Gospels, we read that when Jesus spoke a hard truth, sometimes the other person chose to walk away. Other times, the person asked Jesus to leave–and he complied. There were also times when people begged Jesus to stay, but he walked away so he could remain completely focused on the mission God had for him.
Most of us have run across toxic individuals who drain us of our joy and peace–people who resent the grace we share and will never change. However, as Gary will show in this study, we don't have to pour our time and energy into these people. Instead, we can follow Jesus' example to walk away from toxic people and walk toward healthy relationships that will encourage us, strengthen us, and build us up. And as we do, it frees us to focus completely on the purpose that God has established for our lives.
The When to Walk Away Study Guide includes teaching notes, discussion questions, Bible exploration, and personal study and reflection materials for in-between sessions.
Sessions include:
Designed for use with the When to Walk Away Video Study (9780310110361), sold separately.
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