My Powerful Judge I had sinned. Despite my efforts to convince myself that I hadn't really failed God, guilt whispered quietly, and then more loudly when I ignored its protests. It didn't matter if anyone else was aware. I knew. That self-knowledge made it terrible to bear. During that period, I read every day from the Psalms. Although I didn't speak quite as dramatically as the poet, I understood his words on an emotional level: "When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever-heat of summer" (Psalms 32:3-4, NAS). I had sinned. To make it worse, it wasn't what the Old Testament refers to as a sin of ignorance. I had deliberately gone astray. Before I sinned, I told myself that I was protecting my rights, standing up for myself and being faithful to my convictions. At other times, I've told myself that I had technically sinned, but I had really been overwhelmed by temptation (as though that made it a lesser offense). The point is, I had sinned. No matter how much I tried to push that truth away from myself, it refused to vanish. Finally, I gave up trying. Once I stripped away the self-deceptions and bowed my head before God, I admitted, "God, I have rebelled. I knowingly, willfully failed you." As I came into the Divine Presence, the guilt overwhelmed me. Like David of old, I wailed, "Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight" (Ps 51:4, NIV). I prayed that way even though my actions had hurt others-some of them indirectly. Right then, I committed myself to make things right with them later. I couldn't focus on others at that moment, though, because ultimately, it was against the Powerful God of Heaven that I had sinned. My immediate concern involved my relationship with God. In my mind, I saw myself standing with bowed head before the Powerful Judge who sees all and knows all. I'm ready for the Judge to pronounce the sentence. What do I do now? Should I say anything? Remain silent? Once I would have perceived God as the one whose eyes swept across the land, watching me at every turn, ready to leap in front me, and with pointed index finger, cry out, "You are the guilty man!" Today, I think of God the Powerful Judge from the perspective of Romans 8:1-2 (CEV): "If you belong to Christ Jesus, you won't be punished. The Holy Spirit will give you life that comes from Christ Jesus and will set you free from sin and death." Those two verses make me feel as if I am in front of the bench and the Powerful Judge has spoken those liberating words to me. Joy fills my heart! The Powerful Judge says I won't be punished! This is in such contrast with the idea of judgment with punishment I used to have: "commit-the-crime-and-pay-the-penalty" kind of living. I wouldn't want to deny that aspect. After all, I am responsible for the wrongs I do and must face the consequences of my actions. |
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