She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. — Proverbs 31:26   One spring day, I sat in my backyard with my friend Suzy and our kids. While we relaxed in lawn chairs, sipping lemonade, a few of the children played on the swing set. The rest sat at our bright yellow children's picnic table, purchased just days earlier. They were happily creating masterpieces on the pages of several coloring books.
When it came time for lunch, I helped the children clear their coloring supplies off the table. As I gathered up the crayons and coloring books, I spied a frightful sight. One of Suzy's daughters had gone into the house and grabbed permanent markers to color with instead of the crayons. And color with them she did — all over the brand-new picnic table! She'd even written her name in her very best seven-year-old penmanship.
I was angry that our newly purchased picnic table was now laden with permanent red and purple graffiti. I wanted to raise my voice and shout and scream my displeasure. But I didn't.
Instead, I leaned over and spoke gently to my friend's child. "Oh, Kelly. Mrs. Ehman wants you to use crayons when you color, not markers. Would you please go put them back in the house? Thank you, honey."
My eldest child's jaw dropped when she witnessed my kind and calm reaction. Loud enough for everyone to hear, she said, "Man! It's a good thing it was you, Kelly, and not one of us. Mom would've hollered at us something awful if we'd done that!"
Ouch.
My daughter simply vocalized a truth she noticed in my life: I tend to lose my cool with my family, but somehow manage to keep calm when I interact with others.
The book of Proverbs describes a woman who is praised not only for what she does, but more importantly for who she is — specifically, how she interacts with people:
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. — Proverbs 31:26
As a mom, there are many things I need to teach my children about the basic tasks and responsibilities of life. How to make their beds. How to unpack the groceries and put them away. How to do laundry without changing all of the white underwear to a rainbow-Skittle mix. And yes, I need to teach them how to keep their shoes from becoming life-threatening obstacles when they take them off in the garage. But when teaching them these things, do I do it with kindness, or is my tone caustic? Do I open my mouth with wisdom, or do I just open my mouth, spewing out whatever is bubbling up in my angry heart?
I faced the music that summer day and owned up to the truth my child pointed out: I tend to extend grace to those outside my family — even complete strangers — while so easily snapping at the people within my home. Yes, there are times I must instruct and correct my kids. Yet when I do, I must be conscientious and kind while giving counsel. It's not always easy, but God is always available to help me not to be controlling, complaining, or critical.
Perhaps we would all do better to learn to pause before we pounce when interacting with our loved ones, treating them with the respect we tend to give others. Or better yet, to pause, pray, and then not pounce at all!
Excerpted with permission from Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman, copyright Zondervan.
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Ouch is right! Learning with God's guidance and tender conviction to speak lovingly (or to just keep it shut altogether) is a journey. Come share with us on our blog about turning down the family fume and keeping the teaching of kindness on our tongues. ~ Laurie McClure, Faith.Full  $5.99 for two days only
KEEP IT SHUT: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All by Karen Ehman Kind, encouraging, and humorous, Karen Ehman helps us learn the essential practice of using our words more effectively — alleviating heartache and regret, reducing relational tension and conflict, lessening our stress levels, and growing our relationship with God.  Softcover, Regular Price: $17.99 Sale: $5.99 - sale ends at 11:59 p.m. CST on 4/30 + free U.S. shipping on orders $30 or more! From Bible times to modern times women have struggled with their words.
What to say and how to say it. What not to say. When it is best to remain silent. And what to do when you've said something you wish you could now take back.
In this book a woman whose mouth has gotten her into loads of trouble shares the hows (and how-not-tos) of dealing with the tongue.
Beyond just a "how not to gossip" book, this book explores what the Bible says about the many ways we are to use our words and the times when we are to remain silent.
Karen will cover using our speech to interact with friends, co-workers, family, and strangers as well as in the many places we use our words in private, in public, online, and in prayer. Even the words we say silently to ourselves. She will address unsolicited opinion-slinging, speaking the truth in love, not saying words just to people-please, and dealing with our verbal anger.
Christian women struggle with their mouths. Even though we know that Scripture has much to say about how we are — and are not — to use our words, this is still an immense issue, causing heartache and strain not only in family relationships, but also in friendships, work, and church settings.
What readers are saying...  This book really shows you where as women we fail each other! Eye opening and can relate to so many circumstances in the book! I have learned so much and consider me " Checked"... I watch how and what I say!
— Milliemilly, verified byer
Awesome Book! Funny, but great suggestions on how to keep your lips zipped.
— Donna H., verified buyer Easy to read book that has helped me immensely! — Susan S., reader review
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