| There is nothing left to be shed, and at the center is strength, gratitude, Jesus.. — Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect  Present Over Perfect: Sitting With Jesus by Shauna Niequist, from Present Over Perfect 
 As I arrive nearer and nearer to the heart of things — at least as close as I'm able to get right now — what lies at the center are these four things: Jesus, Aaron, gratitude, and strength.
As I leave things behind — heavy things, things that have kept me trapped and exhausted for so long — the outer ring of this beautiful center is gratitude. I'm so thankful for what it is to be human, and for this world and how gorgeous and odd and heartbreakingly lovely it is. I'm so thankful for blackberries and peonies and newborns and the smell of rosemary and the sound of singing, especially the wild, raspy, throaty kind. I'm so thankful for kisses from little boys and the hush of snowfall and the scent of lavender. I'm grateful for Paris and Jerusalem and San Francisco, and for Three Lakes, Wisconsin; South Haven, Michigan; and the bonfire pit at my in-laws' house, where four generations of that special family have roasted marshmallows and, invariably, sung in perfect six-part harmony.
I'm so thankful for Aaron, for our marriage; for the gentle, daily, weaving together of stories and souls and bodies; for the life we've made together, the family. With each passing year, I'm more thankful. We're more than we were a year ago, and a year before that.
The temperature's dropping as the sun dips behind the clouds. I feel like I've sat on every bench in this entire camp, and at the same time, I feel like I never want to leave.
Tomorrow I'll walk for coffee, maybe, early, in the cool of the dewy morning. And then I'll find another bench, maybe an entirely new one, and my laptop and I will settle in for as long as it takes.
I used to be afraid that I was hollow somehow, that I only existed if someone could see me and hear me, like a toddler playing peek-a-boo. My whole life was an elaborate attempt at never having to be alone with myself. But the invitations kept coming, grace upon grace, to leave things behind, shed old skins, release long-held brokennesses, and when I finally walked away from all those things, there I was, alone with myself, and what I found astounded me: I wasn't afraid at all.
More than that, instead of being afraid, or hollow, or nothing at all, what I found was strength. I found an unshakable core of love and passion and desire to make the world better. I found focus and a sense of power I'd never known.
This is the great anomaly of it: we cling to these structures because we think they are what keep us safe — as if we're bugs who need exoskeletons, shells outside of ourselves to protect us. But when you start to understand how strong you are, you realize that you don't need a shell at all. The inside is strong and secure, and doesn't need to be shielded by all those other things — performance, proving, busyness.
There is nothing left to be shed, and at the center is strength, gratitude, Jesus.
I'm practicing that last part, to be honest. For reasons I still don't totally understand, the idea that the person of Christ is sitting next to me, bodily, keeping me company, breathing in and out as I do — it's still tricky for me. And it's still tricky for me to hand Him all my silly human concerns — little wounds and worries, dreams and discouragements. But I spend more and more time sitting with Him, not with the Platonic ideal of divinity, abstracted away to a safe distance. I sit with Jesus, the human-and-divine Being sent to be with us, Emmanuel. I practice being with Him. It feels as awkward as I'm making it sound, I'm sure.
I'm learning, minute by minute that I spend sitting with Him, allowing myself to be heard, my heart held, my dreams known. We're in uncharted territory now, so I don't know exactly how things shift from here, but I'm finding that my ability to sit with Jesus makes me more present and connected with Aaron, with my boys. As I create space and imagination within myself to be heard by the actual person of Christ, my capacity to hear the people I love is increasing. And my sense of strength, deep inside myself, grows and grows.
So much of life seems to be about reclaiming. Creativity, of course, is so easy and natural for children, and most adults struggle to recover that wild courage to make and imagine and play. And I'm learning that spiritual practice is a reclaiming, too. I used to know how to do this kind of prayer, when I was a child, when so many voices weren't yelling their bad advice at me while I prayed, telling me I'm doing it wrong in a thousand different directions.
Here's the thing: I might be doing it wrong, in someone else's view. But as I sit, my heart grows more compassionate. My gratitude increases. I become more humble, more thankful, less fearful. So maybe there isn't a wrong on this one, so long as it's yielding a God-ward heart. And at the end of it all, at the center of it all, that's the whole of who I am: this God-ward heart. Amen. Excerpted with permission from Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, copyright Shauna Niequist.
Your Turn
What heavy things are you leaving behind that used to make you feel trapped and exhausted? What are you thankful for in your walk with Christ? Let's pray today to have God-ward hearts as we practice being present with Him. Come share your thoughts with us on our blog. We want to hear your thoughts about Jesus! ~ Devotionals Daily
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Immerse yourself in this compelling vision for an entirely new way to live: soaked in grace, rest, silence, simplicity, prayer, and connection with the people that matter most to you.  Hardcover, Regular: $25.99 eBook price: $9.99 + free U.S. shipping* on orders $35 or more In these pages, New York Times bestselling author Shauna Niequist invites you to consider the landscape of your own life, and what it might look like to leave behind the pressure to be perfect and begin the life-changing practice of simply being present, in the middle of the mess and the ordinariness of life.
As she puts it: "A few years ago, I found myself exhausted and isolated, my soul and body sick. I was tired of being tired, burned out on busy. And, it seemed almost everyone I talked with was in the same boat: longing for connection, meaning, depth, but settling for busy.
"I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, neighbor, writer, and I know all too well that settling feeling. But over the course of the last few years, I've learned a way to live, marked by grace, love, rest, and play. And it's changing everything.
"Present Over Perfect is an invitation to this journey that changed my life. I'll walk this path with you, a path away from frantic pushing and proving, and toward your essential self, the one you were created to be before you began proving and earning for your worth."
Written in Shauna's warm and vulnerable style, this collection of essays focuses on the most important transformation in her life, and maybe yours too: leaving behind busyness and frantic living and rediscovering the person you were made to be. Present Over Perfect is a hand reaching out, pulling you free from the constant pressure to perform faster, push harder, and produce more, all while maintaining an exhausting image of perfection.
Shauna offers an honest account of what led her to begin this journey, and a compelling vision for an entirely new way to live: soaked in grace, rest, silence, simplicity, prayer, and connection with the people that matter most to us.
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Present Over Perfect Guided Journal
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